If you’re wondering how to discipline a child – your child – effectively, you are not alone. Contradictions and controversies rein in the Western world of discipline techniques. Spanking or positive discipline? Gentle discipline or rewards and punishment?
While recently reading the book Healthy at 100 by John Robbins, the last thing I expected to find was a statement about child discipline. But in the very first chapter, while writing about the people of Abkhasia – an area of the former Soviet Union next to the Black Sea – Robbins strongly implies that the way Abkhasians treat their children may contribute to the vibrant health and longevity of their elders.
Here it is, taken straight from page seventeen of the book (he quotes from Sula Benet’s 1974 book Abkhasians: The Long Living People of the Caucasus ):
I also think the way children are raised in Abkhasia has much to do with the kind of elders they eventually grow up to become. Having lived many years in the United States and several years in Abkhasia, Sula Benet was struck by the way Abkhasian children behave and the way they are treated:
I never heard a child cry in protest or a parent raise his voice or threaten spanking. A command is never repeated twice. As a teacher of fidgety American youth, I marveled at Abkhasian schoolchildren who…sit at attention for hours. Such miraculous results are not motivated by fear.
Abkhasian parents never scold or nag, and they never criticize or punish their children. How, you may wonder, do they get their children to behave properly? Benet explains:
Abkhasian parents express disapproval by withholding praise, which is otherwise very generously dispensed. The Abkhasian concept of discipline, considered necessary and good for children, is not intertwined with the concept of punishment. Abkhasians feel that physical punishment induces disrespect….The Abkhasian method of discipline does not allow for the development and expression of even the mildest forms of sadistic impulse….With no threat of punishment…they young never express resentment. It gradually became apparent to the author that they do not feel resentment.
On page eighteen, Robbins goes on to comment:
Abkhasians are consistently respectful of their bodies and the bodies of others. They never physically punish children, adults or animals. This may help explain why domestic violence is almost entirely unknown in Abkhasia, as is rape.
What a novel concept. Treat kids with respect and they will grow up respecting themselves and other people. How different the United States of America could be…
PS to those of you who are vehemently disagreeing with me because “spanking is the Bible”: read this article at http://askdrsears.com and this one at http://gentlechristianmothers.com.
PPS: If you know you discipline your children out of anger, you may have nutritional deficiencies that are sparking the negative emotions. The antioxidant supplement Masaji may help you as it helped me.
