“How to make a marriage last” was not exactly one of the topics I’d thought I’d ever address on a Family Friday. But two things inspired me to do so. First, Carrie of NaturalMomsTalkRadio got married last Tuesday. Second, my husband Jerry and I had a conflict on our anniversary last Thursday.
Let me explain. On Thursday, I got irritated with Jerry over something really dumb (and all the married people reading this said, “Amen!”). On Friday–still not happy with Jerry–I went and checked out Carrie’s blog and learned about her wedding earlier in the week. For some reason, finding out that other people have found the love of their lives makes me appreciate my husband even more.
Actually, it makes me fall in love with him all over again. And feel bad for all the times I’ve caused a conflict (I freely admit it’s solely my fault probably 60% of the time. Can you say, “PMS”?)
After some thought, I realized that I’d been unfair in my expectations of how our anniversary should play out. My husband is a sweet, kind person who works hard and didn’t deserve the ill treatment and negative vibes I sent his way last week. I also know darn well that if I want to help our marriage to last, I need to chill out and forgive more quickly.
So, feeling a combination of excitement for Carrie, love for Jerry and annoyance at myself, I got inspired to share some ideas on how to make a marriage last.
- Marry someone you love and who treats you well. Young ladies, if a guy threatens or roughhouses with you or obviously has anger issues while you are dating, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO FIX HIM BY MARRYING HIM. About a year before I met Jerry, I created my two lists as suggested by Neil Clark Warren in his book Date or Soul Mate?: How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less
. One list was ten “must-haves” in my man, the other was ten “can’t-stands.” I stuck to my lists, and was (and continue to be) incredibly happy with my choice.
- Remember that you are not perfect and neither is your spouse. I feel much happier about my marriage when I extend grace to Jerry (and myself!) for not saying or doing the exact right things at the exact right times. When you extend that grace, it’s a lot easier to
- Freely forgive.
I’m hoping one day to arrive at that place where I can just not get offended anymore. Until then, my next best goal is to be able to quickly forgive, and move on with joy and peace.
- Review your wedding vows once in a while, either on paper or in your head. Remembering that you have committed your life to this person makes it easier to get through tough times.
- Pray together. In my experience, praying with someone makes staying angry with them for very long next to impossible. And praying for another’s needs gives you a tender heart toward that person. To make a truly good marriage last, you need tender hearts toward each other! For some great prayers to pray when you can’t seem to find any words, try Stormie Omartian’s series on prayer
- Make time to talk every day. This can be a challenge if at least one spouse works out of the house every day and you have kids. But even a ten minute discussion over dinner does a lot to keep the relationship moving forward.
- Make time to be intimate. This may only happen once a week, depending on what’s going on with work and family, but that’s better than once a month, or hardly ever! It is a vital part of the marriage relationship, if you want to keep it alive.
What kinds of things do you do to keep your marriage relationship on track?
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One great way to improve a marriage is to be happy. I struggled with this until I started taking Masaji. Find out how it changed my life here.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
1) Thanks so much for the mention and
2) Amen girl! I agree with you so much on these points. I’ve waited a long time to get love that’s real, and I feel so blessed.