To Diaper or Not to Diaper?

Sweat poured from my brow as I pored over the choices. So many. Which one was the right one for us? For our soon-to-be-born baby?

My heart raced. Our child's future lay in the balance. If I made the wrong choice, would I doom him to a lifetime of therapy? Or an anal retentive personality? Was I about to ruin his life?

The responsibility of parenting weighed on my shoulders like a ten-ton weight, and I wasn't even a parent yet. All I knew was that I did not want to use disposables. But I'd never imagined there were so many different cloth diapers, both in type and brand.

Finally, my hand shaking, I made my selections. And then...CLICK.

The job was done. For better or for worse, I had submitted my diaper order.

I felt better after receiving the diapers a couple weeks later. They looked user-friendly and comfortable. Confident I'd made the right choice, I laundered half of them.

Then I found out about Elimination Communication, more commonly termed as Infant Potty Training. The concept blew my mind.

Really? I thought. I can train my baby to pee on cue?

I returned the half of the diaper order that I hadn't washed, excited at the prospect of saving tons of money, bottom-wiping, and time laundering. Two weeks after the arrival of our son, I began the training process. Within days I was a semi-expert at understanding Benjamin's signals for when he needed to go.

A few days later, I got my husband in on the act, and we were on our way. According to the books, Benjamin would soon be able to hold his pee and would go whenever he heard the “pssss” sound. I eagerly awaited the day.

And waited. And waited.

Well, I thought, at least he lets me know when he has to go. Plus my boy was smart. According to the books, babies who learn to use the potty with help in their early months, become toilet independent between ten and twenty months. Benjamin would surely be taking himself to the bathroom at around one year, after he learned to walk.

His first birthday arrived, and I eagerly anticipated his first steps. They eventually
came—at eighteen months. Right around the time where he started developing a mind of his own and decided that eliminating in a diaper was much easier than waiting for Mommy or Daddy to take him to the bathroom.

A typical pottying scene would go like this:

Benjamin: I am acting very silly and making a lot of noise, and it's been about forty-five minutes since my last pee. So you can pretty much bet that I need to go.

Mommy: Benjamin, do you need to pee? (Picks him up and carries him to the
bathroom.)

Benjamin: Whaa!! Don't take me to the bathroom! No, please, don't take off my diaper and put me on the potty!

Mommy: Hmmm, he's screaming his head off. Guess I missed it this time. (Puts his diaper back on and lets him back down on the floor.)

Benjamin (two minutes later, while standing next to couch): Pee.

Mommy (checking diaper): Sigh.

Several dozen similar scenes later, I couldn't take it anymore. If Benjamin wanted to be a typical American toddler, so be it.

But he will NOT wear disposables, I declared to myself. No way was I going to make him wear plastic around his bottom. No way was I going to contribute to the mass of non-biodegradable material flooding the landfills.

At least, not until we'd gone through a month of cleaning poopy terry cloth diapers. Not until he'd entered the “Squirmy Diaper Dance” phase, during which time we practically had to sit on him to snap on a diaper and diaper cover.

Ever notice how your ideals go out the window when reality slaps you in the face?

In the end, we reached a happy compromise. Benjamin alternated between chlorine-free disposables and gDiapers for a while, then when he settled down a bit we threw cloth diapers back into the mix.

And in the end, I had learned some valuable lessons about parenting:

•   Forget what the books say and do what works best for your child and your family.
•    Don't judge other people for making choices you disagree with, because you might one  day change your mind.
•      Life is a lot easier when you go with the flow instead of clinging to
    unrealistic standards that are making you—and everyone you live with—miserable.

Ain't it crazy how God will use something as mundane as diapers to help you to grow?

UPDATE: After eight months of insisting on using diapers, at around the age of 31 months, Benjamin began using the potty on his own. Another couple of lessons learned:

• Kids will do things in their own sweet time.
• Elimination communication works, just not exactly the way the books make you think.  ;-)